A HAPPY TIME

Fourteen years ago yesterday, Joanne and I meet at a morning church service.  Latter that evening we had our first date.  We didn’t realize it yet, but we were to be a couple from then on.

We celebrate December 21 each year in addition to our wedding anniversary.  This year we exchanged gifts then went out by ourselves to a local Italian restaurant we knew to be easily handicap accessible.  This was our second outing sans chaperon since 11-11-11.  Instead of doing a board transfer, I stood to get in and out of the car.  I had fun showing off to Joanne.

This year was much better than last year when I was in the hospital with very, very limited movement.

The pictures below are of us yesterday posing by the Christmas tree, and exchanging gifts.

Please note that I am standing unaided in these pictures. Joanne is holding on to me just because she likes me – not because I needed it.  True, the walker is nearby, but still a few feet away.  I can stand still and use my arms fairly well for a few minutes.  I can also take a couple of steps without any support, but that requires Lupita hovering, ready to catch me.

The white straps on my legs are so I can pick up and move my legs with my hands.  These are a must for getting in and out of the car.  The bed also.

In one picture you see Joanne opening a necklace gift.  I strung the beads to make it, so that makes it a special gift.  Joanne recognized that not only was stringing the beads a feat for my hands, but also for my eyes, being as poor as they are.   I had became concerned when I realized how tiny the holes and thread were, but it seems my eyes have improved.  Lupita did all the things I couldn’t -  like cut the wire, crimp, and attach the clasps.

Joanne wore the necklace to dinner last night and to work today.

I’m through writing now…

TOO CHILDISH?

Sometimes a grown man needs a mommy.

Lupita and I work with my hands (along with everything else) when we go to the gym.  My hands have a really long way to go.  Recently, we have been building forts and towers out of dominoes and jenga blocks.  I build – she coaches.  I used to love to do this when I was a young boy.  I enjoy it now too, but it seems terribly juvenile.   And terribly necessary.

At first I kept knocking everything down because I could not control the blocks with my fingers.  Or I would drop the blocks on my partially erected edifice.   Or I would ram the structure because I could not control my arm movements well.   With lots of practice and coaching, I am learning and getting better with my movements and developing new skills.  It seems to come much as a toddler would progress with age.  You have heard of people having to re-learn everything – that’s where I am.  It is harder to do than I imagined.

Recently, I have been able to pick up and manipulate blocks with my left hand.  This is big stuff for me – although I cannot yet successfully place anything yet with the left.

Each time I accomplished something, I wanted to make sure Lupita saw it.  If she didn’t, I would struggle to replicate the achievement.  Then I realized that not only was I toiling as a youngster would, but I was seeking the same kind of recognition and approval a small child would.  Wow - that really adds to the juvenile nature of it all.  But it also makes it more fun.

Lupita and I have a new game.  I exclaim “look mommy” and proudly perform my latest accomplishment for her approval.  She dutifully watches and honors me with ”You did it!  Good boy!”  I bask in the glow of her acceptance and seek to repeat the whole process again by dazzling her with evermore increasingly awesome feats.

Talk about re-learning EVERYTHING.  Physically AND mentally.

 I use Lupita as my surrogate mommy because my real mommy can’t be there.  That would be even more fun though.  For awhile anyway, until it became just too silly for even us.  You parents of youngsters take note – be sure to play this game with your young ones.  I have re-learned that it motivates further development.  And it feels good.  And it’s fun.

I’m through writing now…

ANOTHER STAGE

Last Monday I set a new record for walking.

I bested my previous record of 185 feet by walking 345 feet.   I did this without any rest breaks.  My legs felt unusually limber – so I just kept going.  I felt like the energizer bunny.

The next day I was discharged from out-patient therapy.  No, the two events were not correlated.  I had been scheduled for discharge since Thanksgiving.   Ostensibly, I met all the goals for my first session.  I can’t help but note, however, a number of other factors.

First, I have just past the ‘magical’ one year mark (November 24) which research has shown to be a major plateau time.  Insurance is very reluctant to cover plateau times, thus they would have pushed to discharge me about now.  I wonder if this practice helps create a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Second, it’s been 6 months since I started out-patient therapy.   A therapist told me that even though I have ‘medical necessity’ insurance, insurance itself says 6 months is the limit of ‘medical necessity’.   This is still much better than most insurance that limits you to a total of 20 sessions per year – or even per injury.  By contrast, I have received over 150 sessions.

Third, I have been hearing other patients all around me being discharged of late.   The gym is suddenly full of new faces.  I only recognize one from before.   It appears TIRR out-patient may be in the habit of rotating patients.  They certainly have a large enough waiting list to justify it.

This is not to say that I can’t get more rehab.  I will simply have to be reevaluated at some later date and ‘prove’ that I am ‘worthy’ of more insurance converge by having made substantial recovery with out the benefit of rehab.  This is the same basic procedure I have been through my entire experience with this injury.  I am used to it now, but at first it was frustrating and scary to learn that even the best insurance available (outside of congress) held total control over my recovery.  Talk about death panels – that’s the system we have TODAY.  Yet most people don’t know that (I didn’t) and even more would refuse to believe it.  After all, Fox News tells them we have the best medical system in the world.  That might be true if you are speaking only of the congressional plan.

I expect to go back for another round of rehab – because I have Lupita and a good support system that can facilitate continued, substantial improvement.   In fact, I have every advantage in this game.  But most do not.  Assuming they have made it this far, this could be the end of the line in their recovery simply because they lack the support structure required to jump through the next insurance hurtle, or didn’t have enough insurance to begin with.  Then there are the record 42 million Americans whose jobs do not provide insurance at all.

It would be nice if I could do something for the less fortunate injured people I see all around me.  Oh wait, I already do – I vote democrat.

I’m through writing now…

SEPTEMBER MOURN

it has been just over a month since my last blog entry.  i seem to be getting back on track to some extent, but it seems that i mostly lost September.  not a total lost, but not those big gains i had been expecting.

suddenly i started having a hard time doing my 'sit to stand'.  this greatly concerned and perplexed the pt guys.  they told me insurance would not allow them to proceed with my walking until i could stand - because i could not walk without first standing up.  i could pull myself up using something and i could get up with someone helping me - but this was not 'functional' to insurance.  i lost a lot of therapy time while they chased this idea and that and it looked like they might make wholesale changes to my therapy and exercise programs.

i was not a happy camper because i did not understand the point of some of it and then they said i needed to relax my abbs.  i had just gone to a lot of effort to strengthen my abbs as part of  'core' training in order to walk.  now they started me doing a ridiculous new exercise to relax them.  things looked very dark - a detour that could potentially consume many more weeks ahead.

finally, they decided to test my braces and found that an adjustment they made to them at the end of august was causing all my problems.  at this point, this was just wonderful news to me - it meant i could get back on the right track again.  so last week i walked 185 feet one day and 170 feet the next.

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i had been waiting for a new manual wheel chair since early June.  it had to work its way through the paper trail at the main tirr hospital.  Joanne and i had to stay on their backs constantly to get that done.  for some reason nobody there follows through with anything.  in the end, insurance denied it anyway because the doctor did not state it was required because of a change in my condition.  keep in mind i already changed doctors once, i now have the best one there.

so the new wheel chair has to go back through the pipeline again.  in the mean time, i have to become 'functional' with my sit to stand using the dorky little loaner chair i have.  the therapist found that putting a board under the seat seems to solve the three biggest problems i have with it.  jimmy is making a board for me this weekend.  hopefully i will soon be functional in that area too.

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i have some other on going general health problems getting me down. i am supposed to see the doctor this Tuesday.   i am hopeful he can get me back on track in these areas too.

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in ot i have been reaching out with my arms and doing things while standing.  this is required because walking, by itself, is not deemed by insurance as 'functional'.  getting up from the TV and going to the dinner table is not 'functional'.  getting up from the TV, going to the kitchen, and fixing a sandwich or cooking is 'functional'.  what i have been doing in ot simulates those 'functional' movements.  it also tests my standing form and endurance.  they say i am doing very well in this area.

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i used to not be able to turn myself in bed at night.  in the hospital and nursing home they would turn me every 2 to 4 hours.  this is required to prevent bed sores.  bed sores can kill people in my condition.

when i first got home i had to call for Joanne to turn me - a lot.  then i hired a care giver who spent all night with me on the nights Joanne had to work.  i got better at turning myself, and was recently able to let that care giver go because only rarely now do i have to bother Joanne.  i start out on my right side, but then i have to alternate between my back and left side for the rest of the night.  i could not get back onto my right side, no matter how much my body wanted to.
sometimes that has left me fairly miserable. 

last night i turned back onto my right side for the first time.  it felt very good - not just the accomplishment, but laying on my right side.  woo-hoo.

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i have been bending my left knee much better of late. i originally started my 'left knee project' to help me turn onto my right side.  turns out i do not have enough force to kick with that knee yet for it to be a factor in turning, but it has sure helped in walking, and moving the left leg in general.

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i am typing with three fingers now instead of just one finger.  i can use both the first and second finger of my right hand, and my thumb on the space bar.  i also bought a track ball with big buttons on it to replace the mouse.  the mouse is a far superior tool, but i can control the track ball much better.  track balls are ancient technology, but then so are spinal cords.

what ever works.  i enjoyed my spinal cord for many years, now i enjoy my track ball.

I'm through writing now...

LABOR DAY

what did you do on labor day?  i went for a walk.  back and forth in the standing frame that jimmy built for me.  that's about 4 ft. in distance.  i did about 18 laps for a total of maybe 70 feet.  ok - i exaggerated when i said marathon and jerry lewis was no where to be seen.

last Thursday i walked with Steve, one of my excellent therapists at tirr outpatient, for 103 feet using a walker.  but most of it was in very bad form.

my walking on labor day was in much better form.  the exercises lupita did with me were obviously paying off.  i was excited and hopeful that i could do as well with Steve on Tuesday.

and today is Tuesday, and i walked in my best form yet in a walker with Steve.  i did 165 feet - all but the last few feet were really good.  those last feet were not too bad either.  i was very pleased.

i walk very slow, but faster than my 90 year old mother-in-law does with her walker.  how's that for a measurement of success?  I'm good if i can best a 90 year old little lady.  she still has me beat over all, though.  she does better 'sit to stands' than me and she walks without people hovering in front and back of  her in case she falls.  i guess shes my idol.

she also has lived 90 years and managed not to get a spinal injury.

I'm through writing now...

NEXT STEP

so...

yesterday tirr rehab walked me using a regular walker.  woo-hoo!  they will be doing more of that, but today they worked on my 'sit to stands' and made more adjustments to my leg braces to help me do everything better.

but get this - today they also started prepping me toward my next step. walking without a walker.  double woo-hoo!  i am currently bending foreward far too much to walk without a walker.  that's because my top thigh muscles at my hip are too tight and that forces me to bend foreward at my hips.  therefore, i need the walker not only for lateral support, but also for frontal support. 

they showed lupita an exercise to perform on me to stretch out that muscle which will allow me to walk up straight.  lupita recognized that the intended results of the exercise were the same as the 'superman' exercise she used to do with me just after i started out-patient.  she stoped doing it in favor of strengthening my core muscles when she anticipated they were going to try to get me standing so soon.  strong core muscles are probably why i have progressed to where i am so quickly.

the military makes the service men do lots of  'superman'  exercises.  lupita now theorizes that is why they stand so straight and tall.

i am very excited about all of this.  i am seeing months of work starting to pay off. 

i wish i was advancing as much with my hands.  i have about 30% return with my right hand, but only about 5% with my left.  hands are important - probably more so than walking.  even so - i can eat, brush my teeth, shave, comb my hair, do transfers, wheel my wheel chair [if i have gloves on], type [one fingered], play on the computer, hold a book/magazine and turn pages, and several more things that i am not thinking of at the moment.  i have to remember to be grateful for that and, of course, hopeful for more.

I'm through writing now...

WALKING TO NEW ORLEANS

walking to new Orleans was a hit song for fats domino, hitting number 6 on the billboard charts in June, 1960.  a personal favorite of mine.  i am borrowing this title because that is how i am feeling today.

i wrote just yesterday that my therapist had said i would soon be graduating to a normal walker.  i didn't know he meant today.  we tried it, and i graduated.

my first attempt i walked 20 feet.  that ended when i tried to fall.  lupita videoed it, catching the last part, including me falling.  hopefully she will share that with all of us.  my therapist didn't allow me to actually fall - as you probably surmised already since you are reading this.

my next attempt i walked 45 feet. that ended when i got tired and set back in my wheel chair.  lupita didn't video that one.

i did very good on my sit to stands too.

next i may be sending a post card from new Orleans.

I'm through writing now...

NINE MONTHS OUT

last Wednesday, august 24, marked nine months since my accident.

since i got into outpatient rehab, they have made considerable effort and progress in getting me up and walking.  at first i was scheduled to be in a machine that did all the 'walking' for me.  therapists would move my legs to help 'train' them to make the connection to 'walking'.

they quickly determined i was beyond that, and instead put me in a 'lite gate' ['gate' referring to walking].  in that device i did all the walking, but with about 30 percent of my weight supported.  therapists helped me with the legs as required to get better activation and range.  they had a lot of discussion about if they should put braces on me or not.

so a little bit of doing that and i graduated to a 'rolling walker with bilateral support' device.  that is pretty much a regular walker with tall arm supports attached.  in that i rest my arms in horizontal supports so that i support a lot of my weight with my arms, but move around very much like an ordinary walker.  in that i did all of my own walking with no help.  i walked a lot - but they said it wasn't 'pretty'.  rather than reinforce bad walking technique, they ordered some braces for my legs.

so on august 25 - just in time to start my tenth month - i stood up in my new braces.  i thought the therapist had helped me up a lot, doing maybe 80 or 90 percent of the work, and i began to apologize for having done such a lousy 'sit to stand'.  he told me no, that i had done my usual 80 to 90 percent of the work.  i was amazed, and then i realized how strong my legs and knees felt. 

it was one of those break-through moments.  i was standing in the parallel bars for the first time.  the parallel bars offer very little weight support and mostly just balance control.  i felt like i had strong legs.  i walked forward and backward - literally backward - for a total of six times at 18 feet each time.  the therapist, lupita, and i were all quite thrilled.  everything was so much easier and i felt so strong.  the therapist said soon i would graduate to a regular walker.

these are not your 'forest gump' braces.  they are light weight carbonite that support under the foot, up the calf, and end just below the knee.  i wear my shoes and pants over them.  i am getting used to wearing them more and more each day, then will eventually wear them less and less as my muscles get stronger.

I'm through writing now..

MAMA, LOOK AT BUBU

that was the name of a hit song by harry belefonte in 1957.  i am borrowing the name bubu for the purpose of this post - so look at that strange kid (me). 

yesterday marked 8 months since my accident and i have some new tricks up my sleeve to report.

lupita has been working with me to make me more independent getting in and out of bed.  yesterday i got out of bed without lupita even being here - just Joanne and i.  i expected to do it without any assistance at all but it turned out Joanne had to help me a little.  still a new milestone because i did it all.

soon i expect to be able to go to bed without lupita - just Joanne and i - but i need to build up a little more confidence first.

all of this is built upon the exercises targeting specific muscle groups that lupita has been drilling me on since i got out of tirr hospital.  so i continue to see the benefits of working out with lupita.  don't get me wrong on this subject - be it known by one and all that i HATE exercise.  anything beyond moving the milk jug in the fridge i figure is too much effort.  in fact, i only move the milk because Joanne shamed me into it.

i only exercise because it is the only way i can get better.  that, and because lupita screams at me until i do it.  i tell lupita not to become accustomed to me exercising because the minute I'm well, I'm not even going to move the milk anymore.  not unless Joanne shames me into it.

between lupita and my out-patient pt and ot, i spend a LOT of time working at the gym.  my typical schedule is Mondays 5 hours, Tuesdays 2 hours, Wednesdays 4 hours, Thursdays 2 hours, and Fridays 4 hours.   sometimes lupita works me for 2 hours on Saturdays - it just depends on how mean spirited she is.  Tuesdays and Thursdays i get messages.  i like Tuesdays and Thursdays.

lupita has been working with me "walking" my legs across a mat.  i have been doing this since the nursing home back in April, but someone always had to move my left leg for me.  suddenly last Wednesday i moved the left leg on my own - at first maybe only an inch but i was moving it a good 6 inches by the end of the night.

i am walking upright in a t-frame on wheels called a lite-gate.  they hook me into it with what seems to be a parachute harness.  i don't know anything about parachutes - they seem like a good way to get a spinal cord injury - but if i were to jump out of an airplane i would like to know much more about them.  what i mean to say is that i don't know what I'm talking about but it looks like a parachute harness to me.  anyway, they hook me in and take some weight off, and help move my feet to teach me how to walk again.  walking is not like riding a bike it seems.  it seems more like jumping out of an airplane - something I've never done before.

i am also standing in a standing stall.  a standing stall is simply parallel bars, closed at one end.  today our pt crew taught lupita and i how to use them so that i can stand up out of my chair, stand there awhile, and sit back down into my chair.  jimmy has already built me my very own standing stall for use at home - so soon i think i will be a standing fool.

well, my typing finger is exhausted, my butt is tired, and my blood sugar is low so - I'm through writing now...

GRATITUDES 2

i am quite fortunate to have a couple of friends who are playing a very significant role in my post hospital care and recovery - jimmy and his wife lupita.

jimmy and i had already become best friends years before he married lupita in 2000.  after that, joanne and i went out with them a lot, and they played cards with us almost every saturday night.  we usually alternated the games at each other's home.  shortly before i got hurt, lupita had begun helping to care for joanne's mother.

even before i got home from the hospitals they were doing important tasks for us.  jimmy winterized the pipes and did other misc house repairs.  lupita did stretches and exercises on my arms and legs.    it became self evident that lupita knew a lot about nursing and rehab.  only then did i learn she had done all this before while working in hospitals and nursing homes.

so i designated lupita as my primary care giver for home.  she started attending training sessions with me at tirr hospital to learn first hand how to do tasks like get me in and out of the car, the bed, the shower, etc.  her previous experience and her strength - gained from her own rigorous exercise programs - made her a natural.  every one at tirr commented how they should hire her to work there.

so when i came home i had lupita doing what she was good at and i had jimmy doing what he was good at.   jimmy did things like change out a shower head and some related plumbing, and replace the chandelier with a light that is close to the ceiling.  what used to be the dining room became my hospital room - hence the significance of changing out the chandelier, which was in the way.  i am still thinking of things for jimmy to do.

lupita started my in-home care program which included training others to care for me.  so now we have a staff that takes care of both joanne's mom and i most of the time.  joanne found an agency that is providing excellent care for me 3 hours in the early morning each day when no one else is available.

lupita takes me to the tirr out-patient rehab gym 3 times a week, working me out 3 to 4 hours each time - according to what she thinks will benefit me the most.  the professional therapists have been impressed to find that when they give us homework, lupita has already been doing that and usually much more.  while we are working out, others watch what she is doing with me and attempt to replicate it.  she is getting a following of people who ask her how to do their exercises, and who think she works for the gym.

lupita also takes me to my professional rehab sessions at the same gym 3 additional times a week for 2 hours each.  she attends the sessions to learn what the therapists are trying to achieve and often interacts with them.  they love her and talk to her as much as they do me.  she alters our personal workout sessions as required to better work on the muscles indicated by the therapists.  

lupita also helps us in a lot of extra ways like going to the grocery store and the drug store.  she still looks after joanne's mom and often takes her out to eat, shopping, and even to the movies.  joanne's mom is 89 and wheel chair bound, so these are no small tasks - yet lupita seems to enjoy doing it.

lupita recently went with joanne and i for our first date in over 7 months.  we went out to our favorite local mexican restaurant.  we told lupita that she was our chaperon, but we actually needed her to get me in and out of the car.

the card game we used to play is physically too difficult for me now - it always was mentally too difficult.  jimmy and lupita now play dominoes with us every saturday night, which fits me better both physically and mentally.  i don't just use them for work horses - i also adjust them as required to meet my social entertainment needs too.

i have to wrap this up now because lupita will be here soon to take me to the gym.  lupita enjoys exercise - i don't.  i only do it because it is the only way i can get better.  i don't look forward to the gym with lupita because she works me out so hard.  i am seeing the benefits of it now in that i am able to do more things since leaving the hospital.  i tell lupita that it has nothing to do with her working me out, but that doesn't seem to fool her.  i also tell her that joanne said i didn't have to do this or that of the hardest exercises.  that never flies either.

i much prefer my sessions with the therapists because they aren't half as hard on me as lupita.

bye for now.

MY ACCIDENT

i have some new fb friends who do not know about my accident and therefore may not understand my postings, so i am going to back up a little and give some contextual history.

about 5:40pm the day before last thanksgiving - nov 24, 2010 - i fell in the bathroom and was severely hurt.  the details of the accident and the immediate aftermath make for a nice long story, but to cut to the chase, i severely bruised my spinal cord.  i was paralyzed from the neck down but could still breethe ok - by contrast christopher reeves wore a respirator for the rest of his life.

within hours the doctors determined that my injury was high in my neck, which was bad news.  the good news was that i did not break my neck and therefore did not completely sever my spinal cord completely. that meant i had a good chance for significant recovery.  the bad news was that when i fell, bone spurs had dug into my spinal cord - resulting in a very significant injury.  the surgeon said i had an excellent chance at a full recovery - but that it would take me a year.  a full recovery in only a year sounded pretty good to me.  to date his is the most optimistic prognosis i have received - and therefore the one i choose to hang onto.   while pleased with my recovery so far, other doctors find a complete recovery 'unlikely'.

they gave me massive amounts of steroids and spinal decompression surgery,  followed by every pill known to man and i think maybe even a few more than that.  i also got lots of morphine and other narcotic drugs for the pain.  the pain was worse than anything i could ever have imaged.  i always thought being paralyzed meant no pain - but it is actually common for even complete spinal cord injuries to have massive amounts of pain.  i don't believe i or anyone could survive the pain without super pain killers.  i wondered what people did 150 years ago and decided that they simply died from the pain.

late one night a few weeks latter i told a doctor my pain was simply too bad to go on and to just shot me.  he laughed at me - not nice  - and said 'this is a hospital.  we can't shoot you here.'  i said 'then drag me out to a pasture and shoot me there'.  he went to get me a stronger shot.  joanne was not there, but i said silent apologies and goodbyes to her because i was reasonable convinced i could not - and frankly did not want to even try to - survive the pain.   20 minutes latter the shot kicked in and life was worth living again.

when i got out of icu i spent about a week in general population just stabilizing.  joanne got me into tirr hospital which my surgeon had recommended - if i could get in.  tirr is the same place they latter sent gabby gifford - the u.s. congress woman from Arizona who got shot.  i spent about 8 weeks there and got much better - but all they and insurance really wanted to do was kick me out as soon as possible.  there was absolutely no way i could have actually gone home after only 8 weeks at tirr.

joanne fought and got the insurance to put me in a nursing home until i got better.  my stay there is a whole story in itself - but suffice it to say that i continued to get better.  after 3 months in the nursing home, insurance decided to send me back to tirr to again try to get me ready to go home.

i spent 5 weeks my second stay at tirr which was 2 weeks longer than they initially wanted.  this time around, joanne and i knew how the system worked.  first, we changed doctors to one who worked more for me than the insurance company.  then we gave them a list of things they had to do, things they had to train me how to do, and equipment they had to get us before i would go home. otherwise, i would return to the nursing home - an option the insurance company really did not want. 

well, tirr jumped through hoops and got it all done - including some items that i thought were pretty tall orders.  they even waited a couple of days longer for joanne to get ramps installed and while the doctor played chicken with the insurance company over the hospital bed i needed.  insurance wanted me to go home before they approved the bed i needed.  i felt that made it too convenient for insurance to only supply me with a cheaper bed.  my doctor didn't think insurance would stiff me on the bed, but he fought the good fight for me anyway - and won.  every thing boiled down to a day and a couple of hours longer than insurance wanted.  this made the case worker at tirr - who actually works for the insurance company - angry.  she and i had the final heated exchange when i simply told her that all her arguments to send me home before the bed was delivered and set up were moot - i wasn't leaving until then unless she had the cops haul me out.  once we got the call  - about an hour latter - joanne told the case worker that we were leaving.  i'm sure not a minute too soon for the case worker - or the cops.

so, that's the gist of the story of my accident, prognosis, subsequent hospitalization., and how i got home.  anymore will have to wait because i'm too tired to write more.  bye for now, my friends.

GRATITUDES

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/yesterday i was looking at all the bills coming in now that i am home and insurance is not picking up the tab anymore, and i was thinking of blogging about that today.  but then it occurred to me that my biggest debt right now is in the gratitudes department, so i decided to start making some installments along those lines.

of course i have to be ever so grateful to my wife, joanne, who has worked so hard for me in many, many ways.  i would say she has toiled tirelessly for me - but that is not exactly correct.  she has often worked herself to complete exhaustion, but kept on working hard for me anyway.  as i write she is sick, partly because of helping me so much with the physical chores now that i am back home.  being home has a great number of challenges.

she has also done a lot for me emotionally.  some time after i was out of the woods as far as acute problems were concerned, i told her that there were at least half a dozen possible complications that could have taken me out very quickly - and that i just didn't want to mention it at the time so not to worry and upset her.  she told me she knew all about them at the time and didn't mention them because she didn't want to worry and upset me.

i told joanne that it would have been better if something had of taken me out quickly - that way she could have just been done with me and then she could get on with the rest of her life.  she got great big tears in her eyes and sobbed 'but i don't want to be done with you'.  well that told me louder and clearer than ever before that this gal really loved me.  also, if she was committed to me like that then i had to commite back and work extra hard to recover as much as possible for her.  hence good motivation for me to get better.

joanne has often had it hard herself with injuries and physical rehab, so when she told me i would just have to suck up the pain and work through it and do more than i thought i could, i knew she was speaking from personal experience and not being heartless or not understanding how hard it is.  when she would watch me do pt in the hospital and tell me 'suck it up' or 'you can do more', it motivated me rather than make me mad because i had seen her do the exact same thing herself in pt - she was speaking from personal experience and not being shallow or critical of me.  i became like a child wanting to show off to her what i could do and getting praised for it.  i would be very happy and proud when she would tell people that i was working hard and very motivated.

joanne went to great lengths to be with me every minute she could in the hospitals and nursing home.  even though that was difficult, she said it was more difficult not being with me.

joanne had to initiate and stay on top of every little aspect of my care and progress because people in and out of the hospital/nursing home simply would not do their jobs.  this happened over and over again.  she would have to repeatedly call, fax, and confront people in person to make things happen.  she is very skilled and dogged at doing this - but she doesn't enjoy being the @#!* known as that 'carpenter wife'.  and not to mention the trials and tribulations of dealing with the insurance company.  there is absolutely no way - i do not exaggerate - that i could be where i am today in rehab without the tons of intervention work she put in on top of everything else.

i have many more gratitudes to pay but i am worn out from too long of a blog already.  so i will pay more instalments latter.  bye for now.

facebook added

I'M HOME

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/hi everyone.  as most of you know, i am home from the hospital.  i got home four weeks ago today after being gone to three hospitals and a nursing home for just over six months.  that's not to say that i am anywhere near recovered yet (nor do i have a clear picture of what recovery will look like).  for example you will notice my writing style is what i call jim short hand.  i am typing with a single finger on my right hand because it and my right thumb are the only digits i have to work with.  still i am good enough using the keyboard and alternantly the on-screen keyboard to be worth starting to blog as long as i keep it real simple and don't worry about punctuation, spelling, and typos.  so i ask you to live with it as i am.